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Dixon and Ivy
These two are doing much better after Ivy's little freak-out last week, until (naturally) Dixon does something stupid. He tells Ivy about the broom closet shenanigans with Silver, thus leading to Ivy thinking he is a colossal tool. Always the smooth operator -- okay, not really, but occasionally the smooth operator -- Dixon manages to win Ivy back with an elaborate display at the school formal at the planetarium. We won't get into details, suffice it to say if the love confession had any more sugar, it would rot our teeth instantaneously. Dixon goes home to pack for Australia but Debbie has other plans. Now aware of his previous transgressions, she tells him no way. It's not that hard for Dixon to sneak out, however, since Debbie and Harry's new hobby seems to be screaming each other down and bringing up emotional baggage in the most awkward and hurtful way possible. Safe flight, kid.

Silver and Teddy
Apparently someone on The CW has a lick of sense now. Rather than engage the typical we're-in-a-fight-now-I'll-misconstrue-everything-and-never-talk-to-you-again scenario, Teddy goes straight to Silver and asks her what's up. What's up, she says, is you dad is an assbutt. Teddy learns about the attempted payoff and why Silver really broke up with him. Ever the optimist, Teddy says he needs her and can handle both their relationship and his tennis, but Silver still turns him down. However, at the symbolic romantic school dance whatever, Silver caves and says she needs Teddy in her life too (after encouraging words of wisdom from Naomi. We know, we're shocked, too). These two are just precious. We sense this will mean an apocalyptic smack-down with Monty Sr., but as long as the couple takes on the Big Bad Hollywood Actor together, we're not too worried. Besides, we love watching Silver bandy some witty words about with her foes. Or Naomi, who just doesn't get it and is easy to laugh at.

Liam and Annie
Liam finally drops the axe on Naomi and confesses his coin theft to his mother. Needing someone to talk to, he goes to pick up Annie (SHOCKING). But he has more a surprise than his cavalier new attitude: It's his boat, finished and docked and ready for sail. The two take a little sojourn then come back to chat some more, where Liam tells Annie that he had to fess up or he wouldn't be able to live with himself. Wow, over coins? Annie clearly sees the gigantic gulf of difference between their two transgressions, because she barrels into her own manslaughter confession right then and there. Liam seems supportive, but a creepy spying Jasper is considerably less pleased. After taking Annie home to tell Debbie and Harry, Liam returns to find his beloved boat up in flames, and Jasper attempting to flee the scene of the crime. Not so fast, Crutches. Liam's going to open a can of whoop-ass first.

Naomi and Jen
Well, what we've been anticipating (and frankly, praying for) for a long time finally happened: Liam dumped Naomi. But don't worry, she doesn't feel any remorse or sense of responsibility...yet. She has paternity tests to administer and general havoc to wreak. Lil' sis finds Jen's paternity test and decides to surprise the father -- Mr. Matthews. The good teacher immediately goes to Jen to pledge his undying devotion to his unborn lust-child, but Jen wants no part of his paltry teacher's salary. So he gets smashed at the school formal and crashes into the West Bev sign. Good way to get the custody judge on your side, Ryan.

Meanwhile, Naomi is finally starting to feel the sting of losing Liam and the error of her ways. She leaves the dance but can't start her beater car, so she wanders into the school in search of a phone. She meets Mr. Cannon in the sole illuminated room, and he seems to take pity on his former tormentor. She confesses to him that everything is ruined and it's all her fault, because she's a selfish liar (THANK you!), and Mr. Cannon does his best to comfort her. Until it takes a turn for the statutory. Thinking Naomi is only being her typical coquettish self, Cannon takes the reins and forces her into a compromising situation. Who will believe you, he asks, the girl who cried wolf? Guess we'll have to wait until next fall to find out.

Notes and Quotes

Naomi: I’m not ruling out the whole chimp thing…

Jen: Crème brulee, it's like a woman. It should seem impenetrable, and then tap, tap, tap…and you’re in.

• How hysterical was Naomi running after Liam? We imagine that's how fast she moves at a Gucci sample sale.
• What is up with this dance thing? Why is Javier performing? Why does Laurel need to be there? And, theoretically, shouldn't it be the juniors who are wearing white?
• Naomi calling Liam a loser was a little harsh, even for her. Brownie points for the Single Ladies' dance, though
• How could Liam afford that harbor slip? Those things are expensive!
• We severely dislike Debbie now. You provide no support for your just-fired husband, proceed to scream at him and then ask if he still loves you. You're making it a little hard to get an accurate reading, dear...
• Jasper has some serious spidey skills to commit flotilla arson on crutches. SKILLZ.

So many subplots were tidied up and so many have been cracked wide open! Will Naomi fall victim to Mr. Cannon's lechery? Is it curtains for Harry and Debbie? Will Dixon attempt to ride around in a kangaroo's pouch? (What? We might.) All these answers and more await next season. Until then, keep your mind off it with plenty of margaritas.