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Hellcats: Talk about a quarterback sneak


" 'Cheap whore'? I don't see that."

Mark your schedules, the Hellcats put together a sexy calendar—for charity of course—and are hosting a launch party to sell the thing. Meanwhile, Charlotte hasn’t told her mother she’s knocked up yet, Julian convinces Marti to get evidence against Bill Marsh and no one seems to even notice that Dan Patch is still out of town.

Don’t get me to the church on time
Vanessa and Derek have yet to set a date for their blessed nuptials. Derek’s ready to start the planning but it seems that Vanessa has cold, or at least slightly chilly, feet. At the calendar launch party Red offers a weak reason for needing dancing lessons and Vanessa obliges. For some reason they do it in private, away from the music AND the dance floor and of course they end up kissing. That Red is a charmer, but clearly Derek deserves a woman who is loyal to him.

Mama don’t preach
Wanda summons Savanna’s mother to the calendar launch party and, as if seeing her daughter in a stripper outfit wasn’t enough, her eldest drops the bomb that her youngest daughter is with child. It goes as expected and Moms tells Savannah that she’s a terrible influence and a “cheap whore.” And we’re confused because Savannah’s not preggers -- as far as we know she’s still carrying her v-card! They all end up back at the house and Savannah makes an impassioned speech about how they need to work together as a team, for the baby’s sake. And just when we think that Mom is going to throw everyone out on their pom poms, she backs down, agrees to chill and accept the baby for now. Isn’t anyone interested in finding out who the baby daddy is?

Not really rhyming but definitely stealing
Meanwhile, hot Southern law teacher Julian recaps the evidence they have for now and it all leads to Bill Marsh or Red Raymond. Bobby Overton was clearly able to get on campus and steal the laptops. And his only known connection to Lancer is the football guys—Overton’s a booster. Except that Overton hasn’t been given a dime to the program for the past two years but he still gets to sit on the 50 yard line. Pretty sweet for a booster who doesn’t boost. So Julian sends “Nancy Drew” and “Harry Potter” to figure out how it all connects.

Back on the chain gang, or not
Jake finally tells Alice that he can’t go pro early, that Marsh has something over his head—a prank that went bad. And Marsh still has evidence against him that he’ll use to blackmail him. We just know that Alice is ready and willing to reclaim that evidence against her man. At the launch party Marti has a job to do, selling calendars, but somehow Morgan Potter convinces her that she’s the one who should sneak into Marsh’s office and look for evidence.

As Marti sneaks into Marsh’s office, who should she encounter? Alice! Doesn't anyone notice that two of the main cheerleaders are not selling calendars? The two agree to work together. They dig through Marsh’s safe and find the store recording of the night that the pharmacy was robbed. We all know it wasn’t Travis, but what no one expected to see Jake robbing the place! Now the girls have a real conundrum. The best way to solve it: A cat fight (and we thought last week’s pillow fight was egregious!), complete with plenty of squealing, biting and roughhousing. But Alice loses. And Marty runs off with the DVD that could free Travis but put Jake in jail.

Alice runs back to Jake. As it turns out, he took the laptops and knew about the frame job the whole time but made himself feel better by telling himself that Travis was homeless and at least this way he got himself a cot. Alice doesn’t give up much but does tell Jake that Marti has the DVD evidence against him.

Meanwhile, Marti doesn’t feel safe enough to stay in Cheertown, but she does feel safe enough to walk home to her mom’s house all alone, at night, practically waving the DVD evidence as she goes. She’s followed and gets into Wanda’s building just in time to evade the thugs who are after her.

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