Gleecap: At least I'll have tangoed at all
Hola, clase! You guys up for celebrating some abstinence on Glee? Neither are we.
Hey Ryan Murphy, you know Easter is right around the corner...
...so why not have Brittany wait around for the Easter Bunny, too? Because frankly, there's no idiot belief you wouldn't have that girl invested in. Not that we didn't love the gossip montage following Brit's confession, and yes, it was a catalyst for the whole episode, but you've got some creative writers. They could have come up with something.
In any case, Schue is appalled by his students' lack of sexual understanding, so he enlists the recently re-hired Holly Holiday (it's sex ed this time, with some Spanish thrown in for good measure) to help educate the gleeks.
Read on for sexual identity crises and afternoon delight.
Tango: Holly
Holiday stops by the practice room to shake things up and educate the horny young students, which she does with leather leggings and Joan Jett. All we can say is we want Brittany's hair. Her body wouldn't hurt either. Also, we agree with Schue. It is "too much."
Say what you like about Holiday's tactics, they seem to be working. The students are seeking her out for advice and generally getting the right answers. Typically, you'll get those in spades from folks who have learned things the hard way, and Holly certainly has -- a secret that she doesn't keep from an interested Will Schuester. The two turn up the heat rehearsing Will's Prince tango (some awkward footwork there, but hey, the tango is hard and Will's falsetto was EPIC) and Holly has Will wanting more. Unfortunately Holiday is "damaged goods" and won't give into the missing Partridge Family member.
Well, Afternoon Delight, could involve dessert...
Meanwhile, the Celibacy Club is still alive and kicking, being led by everyone's favorite virgin Emma Pillsbury (oh, come on, it's not like you'd pick Rachel), and populated solely by Rachel and Quinn. Though we've had several episodes where Rachel is "over Finn," she still can't seem to find an emotional foothold and is using the club to vent her bitter anti-man feelings. Quinn is just using it as a cover for her clandestine pillow talk with Finn.
Emma is fighting Holly's free-wheeling lesson plan tooth and nail, and comes up with her own performance to sway the kids back to Abstinence Avenue. She enlists Carl and Puck to join the club for a Brady Bunch-style rendition of "Afternoon Delight," which Emma seems to think is about some kind of pastry. Cue Carl begging the temporary sex ed guru for some much needed help. In their session we discover that Emma is still a virgin (shocking!) and she may still have feelings for Will. Carl has the most understanding, non-accusatory reaction a human being could have, and we fall in love with Uncle Jesse a little bit more.
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
We can't have a high school program episode about sex without some serious identity confusion. Puberty sucks, you guys, and the emotional hangover is even worse -- something that Murphy et al. never lets us forget.
Kurt is having problems embracing his sexual side after the Warblers perform "Animal." We thought this performance was more adorable than sexy -- a private school girl is not a reliable barometer, they'll get excited over the one male teacher amongst the nuns even if he's 75 or has an arm growing out of his head. Kurt's obstinate silence on sex leads Blaine to confront Burt about having "the talk," and Burt follows through beautifully. He can't talk about the intricacies of gay sex, obviously, so he shares his emotional insight, which is actually much more important in the long run. So kudos, Burt!
Brittany and Santana are also navigating rocky waters. Brittany wants to talk about their make-out sessions and Santana wants to do anything but, but she agrees to talk to Holiday about their relationship. The result is a very touching rendition of "Landslide" (unfortunately the Dixie Chicks version, but that works better with the glee club format anyway), and a confession of love from Santana. But Brittany has still got it for her man Artie, and can't just leave him for her best friend. Rejection hurts, especially if you're as hot as Santana.
What did you guys think? Is Glee taking a realistic approach to teenage sex? After booze and sex, do think next week will be about more illicit indulgences (read: pot)? Where is Santana finding all these leather fringe ensembles? Will Glee actually keep Gwynnie around? Won't GOOP suffer? To the comments!
Notes n' Quotes
Emma: I am very inspired how both of you are showing that celibacy is a viable option for teenagers who simply aren't ready for intimacy, or those of us who are older and terrified of the hose monster.
Will: I thought you wanted the chastity charms to catch on!
Emma: I did until I realized they were wearing the chastity charms as clip-on nipple rings.
Finn: Wait, cucumbers can give you AIDS?
Mercedes: Seriously, because i just had some on my salad...
Holly: I'm off to have craaaazy sex because I am craaaaaazy informed about it!
Zizes: Congratulations! You didn't hear? Your girlfriend's preggo!
Holly: Its just like hugging, only wetter.
Artie: YEAH it is!
Brittany: I get my information from Woody Woodpecker cartoons.
Holly: While I think you're naive and possibly frigid, I admire your choice.
Holly: Just remember, when you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've had sex with. And eeeeeeverybody's got a random.
Sue: Just picking up some coffee, I like my enemas piping hot.
Zizes: Puckerman, it's your lucky day.
Puck: You're finally gonna let me motorboat those twins?
Brittany: This relationship is confusing for me
Santana: Breakfast is confusing for you.
Holly: These things never work out well -- my sex tape with J.D. Saligner was a disaster.
Santana: I even had a sex dream about a shrub that was just in the shape of a person.
Kurt: I think about how they all have mothers, and what would their mothers think, and why would you get a tattoo there??
Kurt: Soooo, you're saying I shouldn't have sex?
Burt: I think on you're 30th birthday it is a great gift to yourself.
Holly: My lips are sealed. Just like you legs.
Santana: Brittany, I can't go to an Indigo Girls concert, I just can't.
Brittany: I understand.
Puck: Once on a dare, I swallowed a thumbtack and I'm 90 percent sure it's still in there.
Holly: Apparently my cucumber demonstration made it impossible to watch Veggie Tales the same way again. I thought it made watching that show hilARious.
Final Thoughts
- Isn't it a little inappropriate that a member of staff is leading the celibacy club? Personally, we wouldn't want some teacher telling out kids to have or not have sex.
- Why is Rachel in this club? She was the one that got the original members all riled up about getting down in season one. Whither the Spring Awakening?
- Also, that was one spectacularly bitchy comment to Santana. We know you guys don't get along, but we expected more from a girl with two dads.
- Puck is making comments about harmonic balance. He has been in glee club too long.