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America's Next Top Model: Behind the scenes of crazy

"Do you guys ever just feel trapped?

Next week on America's Next Top Model we’ll rejoin the five lucky remaining contestants as they hit Morocco. But this week marks our very favorite episode in each Cycle—the behind-the-scenes, goofs, gaffs…and well, all the freaky stuff.

Getting groovy with the girls
We always knew that Hannah was a hippie but even we were surprised to see her pendulum-tracking chakras thing going on in the house. We’re so out of touch with all that stuff that we thought chakras was a hairy, hunchback character from Land of the Lost. But we digress. Then they all had a field day waving the pendulum over Jaclyn, who it seems, was the resident virgin.

We also watched the girls celebrate Jaclyn’s 20th birthday—which was very sweet. But then we saw another, weird side of America’s sweetheart who had some serious housekeeping issues. Making her bed was a very traumatic occasion. At least Jaclyn had the smarts to create a “swear jar” in the house. The girls may be pretty but their language is downright hideous. With all the insane potty mouth activity, the lovely virgin from Texas made herself a nice little bundle before she got the boot.

Sara is a vagina kicker
It’s always interesting to see the girls interact at the house. We knew Sara was weird—that rat tail she was sporting when she arrived was our first clue. But we were unaware of the unusual antics, strange finger wagging gesture and her odd comments. Then, when she was called out about being crazy she responded by telling one of the girls that the comment made her want to kick her in the vagina. Say what? And while we’re on the subject of body parts, our favorite quote of the night belongs to Monique who told us that, “Having a booty…is just kind of stressful.” We like to use ours for sitting on and for general balance. No stress.

We also discovered that good skin is not to be messed with. Not only is Kasia a “fiercely real” model, but clocking in at an ancient 26-years-old, she’s also the oldest model in the competition. Naturally, she takes very good care of her skin, drinks tons of water, exfoliates, uses eye cream, vitamin E oil. Still, everyone is jealous.

Getting star struck in Hellay
In a very unusual bonding moment between Brittani and her arch nemesis, Alexandria, the girls jumped around and threw themselves on the ground after running into Usher and P. Diddy in their very own lobby. We’re just thankful that Alexandria didn’t bust out a killer wrap for them right then and there. And where are the cameras when we need them? That footage would have been priceless. We vote that next Cycle, one model is tasked with a helmet cam so we don’t miss a minute.

And speaking of Hellay, it may be where the stars come out to play, but we’re not so certain even they can find their way around. We discovered that Tyra is as sick of watching the models not getting to their go-sees as we are, so this time she figured that hiring drivers to get the girls where they needed to go would do the trick. She was wrong. Maps are confusing with all the streets and words and stuff.

All in all it was a fun recap of the Cycle so far. We were reminded of all of the ghastly events, like the horrid trouble in the bubble fashion show, the difficult bee shoot and posing in garbage, but nothing from behind the scenes this time around really made our jaws drop. Again, we’d like to suggest the helmet cam…or maybe a Nigel cam—one that follows him everywhere. Could be enlightening.

Catching up with Ann
The highlight of the recap was finding out what is going on with Ann Ward. Last Cycle’s winner is living the high life—traveling to Italy and Paris for photo shoots and living the model life in NYC. We’re so happy that she’s living her dream and it makes us wonder who will be doing the same this time next year. Who do you think will be able to make her dreams come true this Cycle? Tell us in the comments.


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