My son who is 6 and I were at the park playing T-Ball. When he was on second base, I could see by the way he was "jingling the change" in his empty pocket he had to go to the bathroom.
I told him that when he scored we would run to the bathrooms and take care of business.
He scored 2 minutes later and off we ran full speed to the other end of the park only to find the public bathrooms LOCKED!!!
That left us about 6 seconds before my boy's pants were going to be flooded. Like any good parent, we headed to the nearest bush and watered the shrubs. Given the circumstances and options, it all seemed fine to me.
That is until I got an evil look from an uptight lady walking her dog. She looked at both of us like we were disgusting low-lifes. I initially gave her the old shoulder shrug to let her know, "Hey accidents happen."
But the more I thought about it; I got a little ticked.
This wasn't our fault that the door was locked!! And who is she looking down at her nose at me when she is taking her DOG out for a spritz and plop in the park? I yelled over to her "Hey, your dog can take a wiz in the park and my son can't? Give me a break." She proceeded to call me a pig, disgusting and a bad parent. (Ironically, I have heard all of these complaints before from my wife and children.)
Anyway, it made me think.
Why is it fine for dogs to padiddle all over the park and not us humans? I think humans should rank a little higher on the food chain than some hairy dog! What is the big offense with public urination in parks? If dogs can do it, why are we stressed out about humans?
Now don't get me wrong. I am in total oppositions to any #2 stuff and vomiting.
I am also totally opposed to urination in alleys, trains, taxis, crowded streets, doughnut shops and "drunken urination" in Chinese restaurants.
However, I think we need to lighten up on giving the stink eye to picnic folk, golfers, mall walkers, kids and expressway travelers who are confronted with nature's call.
I can't tell you the number of times that I have been stuck on the Kennedy that I nearly shattered my bladder.
Why don't these damn politicians pass a law that gives us the freedom to tinkle-dinkle on the expressway shoulder.
No one is walking out there anyway.
It could bring so much needed relief to our general population. We especially need to think of all of those baby boomers out there.There are a ton of them who are getting older and on their way to having no bladder control. Let's not shame these poor people.
In these incredibly difficult economic times, the government needs to think about loosening up some of its' laws to make life a little easier for the rest of us. It's natural and it's not going to hurt anything.
Like George Costanza, Lou Piniella has a lot of character in his face. It's as if he can express 12 different emotions with the same expression, like how NBA commissioner David Stern always looks as if he's on the verge of laughing hysterically. That's why Lou is my favorite person to Photoshop onto random pictures. On today's show, I turned him into a famous sculpture, a man showering, and The Burger King.
Hawks coach Joel Quenneville was fined $10,000 by the NHL for some comments he made. Can you imagine making so much money that a fine that large is no big deal? If WGN fined me $100 for something, I'd stop eating lunch for a week to pay it off.
Morning Show, Entertainment Producer, Tyra Martin here...
If you know me, you know I love Common. I am fortunate enough to be a friend and a fan of the incredibly talented artist and like the rest of the world my life has been marked by his music. "Take it EZ" still makes me smile about summertime in Chicago, "Retrospect for Life" still makes me cry and "The Light" will always remind me that I love love, from God and man.
Suffice it to say, I like him.
Common has always been the same. He's fun & funny, really smart, thoughtful, insightful, and genuinely one of the kindest men I've ever met. It's a selfless kindness... just nice for no reason, know what I mean? And because we all reap what we sow, I think that's why the people who admire and are inspired by him give him a pass when he shows a slip in what is considered to be "practical" judgement.
I'm talking about some of those "outfits" my boy has worn.
Now, most infamously... there's the crochet pants.
That was unfortunate at best, but I let that go. He's an artist, he's a deep guy... not to mention he was in love. Who among us hasn't done something a little outside ourselves when we were in love?
Like, oh I don't know... maybe like wearing slacks that look like a teapot cozy, it happens. No judgement.
I've also seen him in some pants that I felt could be just a stitch looser, but he looked great in them and hey, you know what? Do you.
Lately he seems to have settled into a preppy look that's really working for him. He was in a gorgeous blue sweater when I sat down with him and one of his "Terminator Salvation" co-stars, Moon Bloodgood a couple of weeks ago. But as we gushed about how wonderful he was and how great he looked... the topic of fashion came up... so did shoulder pads. Did the pride of the South Side rock out "Dynasty" style with an Alexis Carrington blazer?
Here, he defends himself and his Chicago rep, you be the judge.
"Terminator Salvation" is in theaters now. Check out Dean Richards' review on the "Dean's List" Entertainment page.
Common's next role is reportedly "Sgt. B.A. Baracus," the character made famous by Mr. T on the 80's cult classic "The A-Team." (Can't wait to see what he wears for that!)
And if you ever get the chance to see him perform live, do it. Good music, good people, good times.
There was a time, roughly 9 years ago, when I had a physique worthy of mowing my lawn shirtless. But a career, 2 herniated discs and general laziness have decimated my once Herculean build, and these days I go swimming in a T-shirt. HOWEVER, even at the pique of my physical fitness, I maintained a certain degree of modesty . . . at least in public.
Sure, I'd flex in front of my bathroom mirror a few dozen times per day, but I always left the house with all of my clothes on. I can remember going for a jog without my shirt on ONCE, and that was because it was 98 degrees out (which exemplifies a completely different level of stupidity).
But you Adonis's who leave your homes already half-dressed to go run 2 miles when it's 72 degrees, this is for you . . .
Not MINE. I spend half of my day watching Soapnet and picking up my dog's poop. But apparently, this is how the reigning Super Bowl MVP feels. Perhaps he needs to turn on that filter most people have between their brain and their mouth. James Harrison says he won't accompany the team on its trip to the White House on Thursday. Something tells me he'll (be forced to) change his mind.
Oh Yeah!...I fit into a size 12 pair of pants (05-13-09). My clothes are fitting differently, no need to use safety pins for my shirts (to close those unsightly pick-a-boo openings) and I don't feel bloated ....I am really doing it! Weighing in six pounds lighter, family and friends are taking notice; I have inspired a few of them to get moving with their own weight loss. Below I have outlined my meal plan for May 13th-16th.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
9:30 am 1 apple
1 banana
11:30 am 1 c. iceberg lettuce
1 tsb. fat free dressing
5:45 pm 4 oz. salmon filet
1/2 can diet Pepsi
7:00 pm 1 slice raisin bread
25 almonds
8:45 pm 45min. cardio kickboxing (Kenpo-X; PS90)
50 reps. of seated twists w/ medicine ball
*3-4 bottles of water (16 .oz)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
* Protein Stretch begins (4 days)
9:15 am 2 bananas
11:30 am 1 protein shake (Muscle Milk, banana creme; 220 cal. & 25g protein)
6:00pm 4 oz. salmon
1 c. carrots (raw)
9:00 pm 45 min. cardio kickboxing (Kenpo-X; PS90)
* 4 bottles of water (16 .oz)
Friday, May 15, 2009
9:15 am 2 hard boiled eggs
10:15 am 45 min. cardio kickboxing ( Kenpo-X; PS90)
50 rep. of seated twists w/ medicine ball
11:00 am 2 pears
3:30 pm 1 protein shake (Muscle Milk, cookies 'n creme; 220 cal. & 21g protein)
OMG! jury duty all day Monday; sitting with a room full of strangers was painful. The state clerk informed everyone that our options for lunch were an array of fast food joints located on the main strip and/or five vending machines at the back of the room. I don't think so! I am focused now....I worked too hard all week to get to this point. I have learned that the key to staying on track is having a game plan and being prepared. Monday morning I made sure I packed plenty of snacks and water......I survived the day.
Tuesday didn't work out as well as Monday; back to back meetings at work.... I did not start eating until late in the day. I was starving and practically inhaled all my snacks, lunch, and half of my dinner by five o'clock. Not a good idea and by seven I was hungry. I went to bed early to combat the hunger pains.
When I'm in my car, I don't mind if people are obliviously texting or talking while walking. I am in a big, heavy car, and would win any collision we have. But when I'M walking too, I fear these people. They must be stopped.
WWE superstar CM Punk calls Chicago home, about 40 days of the year. The other 325 days of the year, he is touring America and crushing other people's skulls. He stopped by the show this morning, and was amazed by the intricate stage we set up for him.
29 pounds of BEEF is a questionable possession, so when former Bull Corie Blount was caught with 29 pounds of the devil's lettuce, it was fairly suspicious. Corie said he and his friends were going to smoke it- a plausible excuse . . . if he had 1,500 friends.
Day Three & Four, Mother's Day weekend, this was an eye opener....... I realized all my families activities are based around eating. Food is the highlight for the majority of our outings; this will have to change! It was hard these last two days but to avoid getting off track I turned down two dinner invitations.....uggh!
Listed below I have outlined my eating schedule for Friday, May 8th & Saturday, May 9th.
Friday, May 8, 2009
9:15am 1/2 c. strawberries w/ a half a packet of Equal
Follow Erika's progress as she drops the pounds with Dr. Ian
Dear Doctor Ian:
Day One was successful. Although I did not eat as much as I should have (I was hungry around 7 pm), I exercised and stayed on course with the recommended meal plan. Sticking the plan was quite easy. Stocking up on the essentials for Day Two will ensure greater success.
I am envisioning being able to comfortably tuck my shirt into my pants while wearing a skinny belt and that thought keeps me motivated; it also doesn't hurt that one million people are watching my progress! I am off to a great start, thank you for all your help.
Dear Doctor Ian/Tyra:
I survived Day Two. After three (3) back to back meetings where donuts, chocolate chip muffins, an assortment of fruit juices were being served...not to mention, a cocktail reception from 5-7pm...I felt like I was truly in survival mode. I passed on all of it and went directly to the bottled water.
Before I attended each meeting a freshened my lipstick as a deterrent to not go for the food to avoid messing up my freshly glossed lips (I think this was a Cosmo tip...I read back in the day). Before going to bed I worked out to a cardio tape from the PS90 series called Kenpo-x for 45 min.
Pat Tomasulo answers your questions, responds to your thoughts, and interjects a few uncalled for comments.
I don't
have any questions to ask except one. What is your ethnicity? You have the most
adorable smile, it should be on a billboard.
-
Desiree, Chicago
I
assume you mean billboards. My teeth alone would require 2 full boards,
and then you have to factor in the size of my head . . .Either way, I think that's a great idea. My
ethnicity? Swiss.
Love the
show! I used to watch it getting ready for work, but now I am a statistic and was
let go after a dedicated 19 years! My wife and kids bet me I couldn't get on
TV. Radio and TV is my dream job. Any room for a one-time shot?
- John,
Clarendon Hills
I'm
afraid not, John. I'm holding onto my job like grim death, and I can't risk you
coming in here and upstaging me. For the love of everything holy, I'm answering
questions on the internet so I can keep my job!!! But good luck to you, fine
sir.
We've met
before so I know you're a nice guy. However, I couldn't help but be surprised
by your sudden lapse into a "dumb Italian" accent when mentioning two
NY sportswriters names today. You're from NY, aren't you?
- Bill,
Chicago
Actually,
Bill, I'm from New Jersey, where the real estate prices are only insanely
high, as opposed to ridiculously high. I wasn't making fun of just
Italians with that little accent. Everybody talks like that where I'm
from. Please don't limit my jokes when they're clearly meant to offend a much
greater number of people. And I can make fun, because I sound like that when
you're not listening.
I'm
British and have been living in Chicago for almost 5 years now. I love watching
your sports segments. I even understand what you are saying. I think it's
because you pronounce some words like a Brit. Maybe you were British in a
former life?
- Pip,
Chicago
Maybe
not. I could have lived 10 lives, and in that first one I would have still
been American, beating down Red Coats on the banks of the Potomac! Pip, my
friend, I think you have great expectations, and don't know the Dickens
about me.
But
thank you for the kind words.
The
following 2 questions will be answered with one response.
OK, we
get it. You're a White Sox fan. Way to be unbiased. Go work for ESPN- you'd fit
in well with that joke of a network.
- Frank,
Chicago
I
couldn't believe that you chose to open the sports with the Cubs losing instead
of the White Sox winning their home opener. It is obvious how biased the
station is. I will no longer be watching the WGN Morning News.
- Flo,
Chicago
Listen,
I understand how enraging it is to wait 25 seconds to see your team's hilities.
And I also understand how disappointing it is when your team's rival
gets that poetic 8 seconds of copy before the video is shown. But PERHAPS,
you're a little too emotionally invested here.
I have
recently begun mentally undressing Robin. I find it relaxes me. Recently, I had
her in one of those snorkel jackets from the 80's. In my fantasy it was zipped
as far as it could go. Ahhhhh . . . relaxed. You should try it.
Jeff,
Cary IN
Hey, whatever
quiets the voices in your head. Later on, a few guys wearing "FBI"
windbreakers might barge into your parents' basement looking for you. PLEASE,
just do what they say.
By the
way, imagine Robin in a construction worker's vest. Breath-taking . . .
The
following question has been edited substantially to give it some coherence of
rational thought
You seem
to think you are so glib and imaginitively funny . . . Your stiff, monotone(?)
presentation with a smirk is laughable. Listen pal- get lost. When I wake up
and the TV is on WGN, I enjoy the show until your mug comes on, then I switch
over to FOX . . . That Bobby Hull bit was insulting, not "light-hearted
comical." If I was Bobby Hull, at 72 years old, I would have flattened you
like the grinning, smirking bug you are. Good luck with your next job. Just get
the hell out of Chicago . . . Please take your 90 second sports bit and go
away. WGN-TV could save a lot of money by allowing you to move on . . . PLEASE
GO AWAY!!!
- Jimmy,
Lombard
First,
I should clear a few things up. I get WAY more than a minute-and-a-half for
sports. I get 3 minutes! And believe me, WGN wouldn't be saving a whole lot if
they got rid of me.
But
I'll make you a deal. I will resign from WGN if you come on the air and apologize
. . . apologize for the 30 minutes of my life I'll never get back, spent
transcribing, editing and and transforming your psychotic rant into something
coherent. Deal? But you have to say exactly what I just wrote.
I am a
12-year old girl and just wanted to say that I get up just to see the sports,
and hope that someday you can talk about this message.
- Andrea,
La Grange Park
See
what can happen when you're polite, speak respectfully, and keep your questions
and comments under 900 words? Andrea, it is my pleasure to publish your comment.
Pat, you
were sick last week. How are you feeling? Did you have the Hershey squirts.
Were you sliding into first and your pants were about to burst?
- Jerry,
Chicago
You
mean, when I thought my friends were joking, were my pants all brown and
soaking? Or, when my stomach started rolling, was I cleaning out my colon?
No, I
just needed a mental health day.
I'm just
wondering what sport you played in school. You really remind me of Batman's
sidekick, the Boy Wonder. I can imagine you in tights. Please wear a cup.
- Paul,
The President of your Fan Club, Chicago
Based
on the tone of this e-mail, I think it's best I don't tell you which sport I
really participated in. No, you should envision me as a sled-dog racer, covered
head-to-toe in puffy, Gortex outerwear. As a matter of fact, I have on so many
layers I don't even need a cup. I'm that padded!
Welcome to the upgraded, updated, brand-spankin' new WGN Morning News Blog!
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