Aim High and Don't Wear Mom Jeans

Well, the pitch is over, but the giddiness is still swirling in my shorts. As I thought, I actually threw out the second pitch. There were four. First up was a little boy. I think he must of faked a fatal illness to get this gig. He did well. Of course, he stood about 4 feet away. I'm glad Pat Tomasulo wasn't there because he would have given him an instant Patdown for not taking the mound.

Then, it was my turn. My name popped up on the old scoreboard. I heard music. What the hell? The theme to "St. Elmo's Fire"??? I guess that's what inspired me to stick out my arms like an airplane and fly out to the mound. (Upon reviewing the video maybe that is a more macho take than what I really looked like. (Probably looked more like a sugar plum fairy minus the tutu.) I channeled Carlos Marmol briefly and let it fly. It was high and inside. (that's what she said.) At least it didn't hit the dirt or kill the catcher, Mitch Atkins. (He is actually a pitcher and he played later in the game.) I don't know what inspired me to flash my midriff after the throw...maybe it was the same reason the female soccer girl ripped off her shirt and exposed her jog bra? It's certainly not because of my 6-pack. (But, I do have a great rack.)

I was followed by the executor of Harry Caray's estate. He had been practicing for a couple of weeks and it showed. Showoff !

Oscar nominated actor Terrence Howard threw the final first pitch. I missed his. (I was all ready on my third Heineken in the Pepsi Suite.) The first three were before 1PM when there was 8 people in the stands.

Finally, let me answer the question that has been eating your brain for days. How in the heck did Hoover get to throw out a pitch? Well, I am not ashamed to say this. I slept with Dutchie Caray on a quilt in front of 16 cats. Oh, come on now. You know that I am kidding. Actually, Beth Goldberg-Heller and Grant DePorter of Harry Caray Restaurant Group asked me. They get to pick two people per season. If I was a Nascar, I'd wear their logo like a tramp stamp, right next to my tattoo of Larry & Robin.

Thanks to all of you for your love and support. And, Dutchie...call me.